The Lifestylista ®

Damn Girl! Live Your Most Fun, Juicy, Sexy Life NOW!

Dear Abby

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA – 'I HAD AN AFFAIR AND IT'S HARD TO LET GO'

By

Hot-Black-Couple-Kissing-onblack-bridal-bliss1

“Hello dear Am a tanzanian 23yr old girl Am attracted to a guy that i kinda had an ‘affair’ with around this tym last year But i ddnt see the relationship going anywhere so i backd off but deep inside me i still wanted him…ddnt have enough courage n patience to fight for ‘us’ We kinda lost each other then suddenly out of blue he appeared around my brthday season He came to my party…did a huge photoshoot n gave me the pics for free He bought me an expensive perfume n all i was trying 2 forget abt hm came back to life but we werent on the same page Since then am really trying 2 get back to him bt he wudnt let hm He never calls n wen i do he hardly picks up He texts few tyms n hardly replies to my texts He told me one day that he likes me but he z scared he might hurt me coz he znt a very loving person But i still wanna have him…i go sleepless every now n then Ts so hard 4 me to let go Please help me with advice…hope it will be soon XOXO”

LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE?

Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] thanks for writing in. The key question I have is HOW DOES HE MAKE YOU FEEL? What does all this too-ing and fro-ing do to you? To the way you feel about yourself.
— You’ve been trying to re-connect with him but he’s distant and he’s told you he isn’t a loving person… I’d say have an open, honest conversation with him where you ask him honestly what his intentions are AND LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. No matter what he says. You need to know whether you should move on…
— I know he does nice things for you (expensive perfume, photo shoot etc.) but girl, you know you are worth much more than any Yves St. Laurent or Calvin Klein! This man is making you wait. He hardly replies to your texts. You’re a goddess and you’re having to chase him. Find out what the situation really is, once and for all. When you look into his eyes you’ll know.
— Here’s an true story from my life. At university in England, I dated this gorgeous African-American who was doing his year abroad. The guy was smart, an army officer, so darned goodlooking (I know this makes me sound shallow but if you’d seen him you’d understand LOL! Lawd). I liked him (couldn’t believe my luck actually!) and it seemed like he liked me too… Then he told me that he “didn’t deserve me” and I though… awww he’s just being nice. As if the universe was sending me a sign, that week on a magazine rack I saw an article that said, if a man says he doesn’t deserve you, he knows something you don’t. And sure enough, I later found out that dude was seeing loads of other people (in 3 separate countries)! Ha!
— My point is, when that guy says he’s scared he might hurt you and he’s not very loving, ask him exactly what he means. Ask him what makes him say that. Get to the bottom of it. Then you’ll know. It could be nothing OR it could be something… You’ve got your life and your heart on hold waiting for this man. Get it sorted. I feel your pain girl.
I’ve been there and I’m here rooting for you.
— Let Bob Marley sing it for us… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAshOzRGrBw (Bob Marley – ‘I Don’t Want To Wait In Vain’)
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
http://www.TheLifestylista.com
FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/Lifestylista
GOOGLE+: http://www.google.com/+Lifestylista
YOUTUBE: http://www.YouTube.com/LifestylistaTV
TWITTER: @TheLifestylista

MAKE HIM CRAVE YOU AGAIN… #SexAndLove

By

Are things not quite the way they were with you and your other half?  Are you stuck in a rut?
So many of you have written me about this, I have to reply.  YOU WANT TO FEEL SEXY AGAIN!
 TysonBeckford8
1) DRAW HIM TO YOU WITH A SMALL BUT EYE-CATCHING CHANGE…
Men thrive on variety when it comes to attraction.
Spice up your look and put a spring in your step.  Add a bit of new-ness to keep things fresh and reawaken his desire.
– Go bra-less (I’m not kidding 🙂
– Wear higher heels
– Change your hairstyle
– If you normally dress sensibly, sashay around in a short skirt
You are not predictable, safe, wifey – you are a hot temptress, girl and don’t you forget it (and don’t let him forget it either)
2) DON’T DROWN HIM IN DETAIL
You know us ladies.  A man asks us what happened in our day and we are telling him everything from the sweet potato we had with our lunch to what our ‘nemesis’ said today at work – word for word!
Though we want to stay connected,  the more detail we give him, the more bored & distracted he’ll get…  The less he wants to know!  Psychologists suggest that men can’t handle that kind of detail and that explains why they tend not to give us that kind of detailed, line by line explanation of their day.
So try this instead:
Him: How was your day?
Us: Great my love.  Nothing much happened. I went for a drink with Sandra and Lola.
Him: Really?  Tell me more.
Instead of hitting him with a wall of information, let him ask you questions.  Then he’ll be more interested in it too.
3) GIVE HIM SOME SPACE
Don’t always get all up in his grill.  Give him space.  Have a life of your own.  Let him miss you.  And maintain some mystery too.  It may sound old fashioned but… if what you’re doing now isn’t working for you it might be worth giving this a try!
4) NOTICE WHAT HE DOES WELL
A genuine compliment from you will go a loooooong way to making your man feel seen by you and to feel truly acknowledged.
So often, we ask ourselves if he notices us, if he thinks we are attractive, if he notices all we do for him BUT he’s asking himself the same thing.   He just may not ask us for it.
Instead of just hoping to ‘get’ this kind of appreciation from him, let’s give too.
5) GIVE HIM A FLASHBACK
Makes me blush just writing this.  Remember when you guys met and just the sight of each other would send you into a heart palpitation fest..? LUST!  There are certain smells, tastes, sounds and visuals that can take you straight back there.
That sexy cologne he used to wear, that curry you used to cook, that old school Usher track (LOL) – oooooooh!  If you want to take him back to a time he absolutely had to have you…  Use his senses to take him back there.
Wear that perfume you used to wear (smell is a big one – it’s one of our most primal senses and it can induce an immediate emotional reaction), play the music, go and visit that place you used to make out…  Have fun with this.  Use your imagination.
Girl, I don’t need to tell you anymore.  You’ve got this!
I’m here rooting for you!

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA – I KEEP HURTING MY CHILD, PLEASE HELP!

By

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA – I KEEP HURTING MY CHILD, PLEASE HELP ***sweedy i have a big problem n seriously ned hlp,am so much attached to ma two yr girl dat i cnt even tk care of myself anymore,she is goin out of control,the wost is when i beat her we end up in hospital,not with a kain bt ma hands n not hard or strong either,am scared i might not raise up again in life,what shud i do dear? [NAME DELETED]***

LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE? WHATEVER YOU DO, PLEASE ***DO NOT FLING ANY STONES HER WAY, NOT ON THIS PAGE, NOT TODAY***. [NAME DELETED] IS A PART OF OUR COMMUNITY AND SHE’S COME TO US COURAGEOUSLY WITH A VERY SERIOUS MATTER AND SHE & HER DAUGHTER BOTH NEED OUR HELP.
Here was my answer:

Dear [NAME DELETED] – first of all let me acknowledge you girl for finding the strength to come forward and seek help. You obviously love your daughter very much and it sounds like you’re scared you might continue to hurt her.
1) Arrange for your daughter to stay with family or a trusted friend. Just temporarily. If you don’t feel as if you can tell them the truth, make something up!
2) GO NOW to speak to a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. Do not think about it, do not hesitate, do not worry about the cost. Find the money because if things carry on the way they are and you don’t do anything to stop it… Something may happen, you may do something, that you can’t take back and that you’ll regret for the rest of your life. You love your little girl and you want the best for her so get help now. Right now you sound overwhelmed, scared and sad and getting help could help you and your daughter see the light at the end of this darkness.

You are not alone [NAME DELETED] and there are other women reading this page who will be reading this and realizing that they are not the only ones going through this.

I am not a medical professional and I don’t know what your specific diagnosis is.
Let me share the story of another lady who also felt afraid of what she might do.
— Watch Brooke Shields talk (on Oprah) about her struggle with post partum depression – she describes very graphically here her sudden visions, sudden flashes of thinking about harming her daughter. Thankfully, she was able to get help before anything happened…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQc-Zlnfka4&t=2m35s]
So, to recap, as soon as you finish reading this [NAME DELETED].

1) Pick up the phone and call your sister, mother, aunt, trusted friend and arrange for them to take your daughter for a while.
2) Call a trusted doctor / general practitioner, tell him your symptoms and ask for a referral (to a medical professional who can help).

In the case of Brooke Shields and her specific diagnosis (postpartum depression), they gave her a combination of medication and therapy. I don’t know what your diagnosis will be but it may be heartening to read about another woman overcoming her biggest fear (seriously hurting her daughter).
http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/features/brooke-shields-depression-struggle?page=3
“The good news is that treatment for postpartum depression is often extremely effective, says women’s health expert Donnica Moore, MD, president of Sapphire Women’s Health in Far Hills, N.J. “It is not like treating strep throat, where you are 50% better in 24 hours. It takes some time,” she says. Treatment typically involves a combination of therapy and medication, along with plenty of rest and help from family and friends. Shields did all of the above.

“Without therapy, I wouldn’t have understood as much, and I think that without medicine, I would not have been clear enough,” Shields says.”

Lots of love [NAME DELETED] and we are all here rooting for healing and and end to the pain for you and your daughter!
The whole Lifestylista community.
& The Lifestylista
xox

http://www.TheLifestylista.com/
http://www.facebook.com/Lifestylista
http://www.google.com/+Lifestylista
YouTube: http://www.YouTube.com/LifestylistaTV
Twitter:
@TheLifestylista

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA – RUINED MY DIET SO I MIGHT AS WELL PIG OUT

By

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA – RUINED MY DIET SO I MIGHT AS WELL PIG OUT:
***I fckd my diet n I hate me now. I ate a burger fries Coke n a choc sunday. Wanna pig out so bad now. I’m spiralling down. Gonna be fat anyway. Want another sunday. pls help.***

black woman fast food100098998
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE?
Here’s the answer I gave:
Hey [NAME DELETED] girl help is at hand! You have got a case of an everything or nothing way of thinking. So many of us think that unless we eat ‘perfectly’ all the time then we’re bad and that we’ll never succeed and so we might as well give up…
Here’s the helpful part to free you! HEALTHY SKINNY PEOPLE DON’T THINK LIKE THAT! It’s not black or white / saint or sinner for them. Many slim people may eat some ‘play food’ BUT they eat it in moderation.
So it’s not the square or two of chocolate that’ll “ruin your diet”, it’s the idea that if you deviate even a little bit from your ‘perfect eating’ then you might as well eat a mountain of the ‘bad stuff’. It’s like breaking one plate in a set of plates and then because one plate is broken, you break them all!!! Crazy huh? Well we ladies can get cray cray when it comes to weight and eating!

Here’s an exercise for you: the next time you feel that way, like you’ve ‘ruined your diet’. Say to yourself, “Wow, I’ve eaten some ‘play food’ like a skinny person would. And just like a skinny person, I’m going to eat it in moderation. I haven’t ruined a damned thing baby!”

Actively change the way you speak to yourself.
e.g.
“If I have one bite, I’ll have to eat the whole thing.”
vs
“I am going to have 3 bites of it and I’m going to eat it slowly and mindfully. I’m really going to savor it – looks, taste, smell, texture… wonderful. I’m going to really enjoy it and put the rest away (or throw it in the garbage!).”

Go to http://www.TheLifestylista.com and search for my articles:
— “FEELING STRESSED AND WANT TO OVEREAT???” – there’s a GREAT BREATHING TECHNIQUE here that fights cravings…
— Dieting’s dirty little secret – the scientific truths behind WHY DIETS MAKE YOU FAT!

I am here rooting for you girl! You can so do this.
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
http://www.TheLifestylista.com
http://www.facebook.com/Lifestylista
http://www.google.com/+Lifestylista
YouTube: http://www.YouTube.com/LifestylistaTV
Twitter:
@TheLifestylista http://ow.ly/i/2pv8E

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA UPDATE to "HUSBAND WOES" post

By

DEAR LIFESTYLISTA UPDATE to “HUSBAND WOES” post “Thanx alot Lifelista, yo truly a family. We talked and i thank God things are working out well. With prayers, am hoping for the best. God bless you guyz, you are the best.”
LADIES, THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR 20+ COMMENTS YOU HAVE HELPED OUR FELLOW LIFESTYLISTA SEE HER WAY OUT OF A VERY PAINFUL SITUATION. We really are a Lifestylista family 🙂
————– Original post:
DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: <<Hi guyz, am married and a mother of one. Recently my husband has changed alot. He is not Loving anymore, he doesn’t care as in nothing grows btwn us anymore. The worst part am sure he is seing someone else. Wen he gets home he switches his fone, n wen he is not @ home he diverts his calls,in a way we can only communicate via sms. last nyt he din’t come home n his fone is switched off. I don’t know how to go abt this, pliz help.>>
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE? Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] – Sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling. Sounds like it’s been rough girl. You’ve noticed your husband has changed and you think he’s seeing someone else.
First things first… Decide how you feel about yourself – are you making his changed attitude towards you make you feel like you’re somehow ‘changed’, somehow less? If so, shrug that one off right now. Him not treating you well has nothing to do with your actual worth. Look at your child and tell him / her that you love her and then (when you are by yourself) look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love YOU! Look right into your eyes…
Next step… Your husband. No point torturing yourself and wondering what it all means (his phone is on divert, he’s only replying to texts etc.). You married this man, you had a child with him, you shared vows with him. Sit him down and with love in your heart ask him to share with you what’s going on for him.
Don’t accuse, just ASK and LISTEN… Let him talk. If he’s defensive, just remind him that you love him and that you’re only asking questions because without open honest dialogue you can’t be there for each other (and your child), you can’t improve your relationship, you can’t really be in each others lives.
If you think this marriage, this family is worth working on, worth fighting for, then have this conversation. If he is seeing someone else, it will be hard to hear BUT it’ll be better you know for sure (rather than all the wondering and guessing) because then you can work out your options.
[NAME DELETED] – I am here thinking of you and wishing you well. You are not alone. I am here and so is your Lifestylista community. We are right behind you. Keep us posted.
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
www.facebook.com/Lifestylista

Keep your Dear Lifestylista questions coming! I'm here for you and so is this community.

By

Keep your DEAR LIFESTYLISTA questions coming! I am here for you and so is your community. Just send me a FACEBOOK MESSAGE www.facebook.com/Lifestylista and your question may be featured on the Facebook wall, Google+ wall and / or this blog page (for your privacy, your name will be deleted of course!)
love
The Lifestylista
xox