“Hello dear Am a tanzanian 23yr old girl Am attracted to a guy that i kinda had an ‘affair’ with around this tym last year But i ddnt see the relationship going anywhere so i backd off but deep inside me i still wanted him…ddnt have enough courage n patience to fight for ‘us’ We kinda lost each other then suddenly out of blue he appeared around my brthday season He came to my party…did a huge photoshoot n gave me the pics for free He bought me an expensive perfume n all i was trying 2 forget abt hm came back to life but we werent on the same page Since then am really trying 2 get back to him bt he wudnt let hm He never calls n wen i do he hardly picks up He texts few tyms n hardly replies to my texts He told me one day that he likes me but he z scared he might hurt me coz he znt a very loving person But i still wanna have him…i go sleepless every now n then Ts so hard 4 me to let go Please help me with advice…hope it will be soon XOXO”
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE?
Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] thanks for writing in. The key question I have is HOW DOES HE MAKE YOU FEEL? What does all this too-ing and fro-ing do to you? To the way you feel about yourself.
— You’ve been trying to re-connect with him but he’s distant and he’s told you he isn’t a loving person… I’d say have an open, honest conversation with him where you ask him honestly what his intentions are AND LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. No matter what he says. You need to know whether you should move on…
— I know he does nice things for you (expensive perfume, photo shoot etc.) but girl, you know you are worth much more than any Yves St. Laurent or Calvin Klein! This man is making you wait. He hardly replies to your texts. You’re a goddess and you’re having to chase him. Find out what the situation really is, once and for all. When you look into his eyes you’ll know.
— Here’s an true story from my life. At university in England, I dated this gorgeous African-American who was doing his year abroad. The guy was smart, an army officer, so darned goodlooking (I know this makes me sound shallow but if you’d seen him you’d understand LOL! Lawd). I liked him (couldn’t believe my luck actually!) and it seemed like he liked me too… Then he told me that he “didn’t deserve me” and I though… awww he’s just being nice. As if the universe was sending me a sign, that week on a magazine rack I saw an article that said, if a man says he doesn’t deserve you, he knows something you don’t. And sure enough, I later found out that dude was seeing loads of other people (in 3 separate countries)! Ha!
— My point is, when that guy says he’s scared he might hurt you and he’s not very loving, ask him exactly what he means. Ask him what makes him say that. Get to the bottom of it. Then you’ll know. It could be nothing OR it could be something… You’ve got your life and your heart on hold waiting for this man. Get it sorted. I feel your pain girl.
I’ve been there and I’m here rooting for you.
— Let Bob Marley sing it for us… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAshOzRGrBw (Bob Marley – ‘I Don’t Want To Wait In Vain’)