Lifestylista LOVE ADVICE Q & A: “A man you like / love says he’s not ready for a relationship”
What do YOU think of this? This man’s ELABORATE Marriage Proposal Took 2 Years To Plan & He STARTED SAVING At Age 12! BOY OH BOY – this really was elaborate…
Here’s the story in a nutshell: When Levy was 12, he started saving and planning for what he knew would be a darned elaborate marriage proposal. He met a girl at a football game. They bumped into each other twice, and thankfully, one year later, they swapped cellnumbers at a conference.
For nearly 4 years, they dated even though they both lived on opposite sides of the country. After 4 years of dating via Skype, phone calls and endless aeroplane tickets… Levy decided it was time for him to ask Tiffany to spend the rest of her life with him…
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“Hello dear Am a tanzanian 23yr old girl Am attracted to a guy that i kinda had an ‘affair’ with around this tym last year But i ddnt see the relationship going anywhere so i backd off but deep inside me i still wanted him…ddnt have enough courage n patience to fight for ‘us’ We kinda lost each other then suddenly out of blue he appeared around my brthday season He came to my party…did a huge photoshoot n gave me the pics for free He bought me an expensive perfume n all i was trying 2 forget abt hm came back to life but we werent on the same page Since then am really trying 2 get back to him bt he wudnt let hm He never calls n wen i do he hardly picks up He texts few tyms n hardly replies to my texts He told me one day that he likes me but he z scared he might hurt me coz he znt a very loving person But i still wanna have him…i go sleepless every now n then Ts so hard 4 me to let go Please help me with advice…hope it will be soon XOXO”
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE?
Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] thanks for writing in. The key question I have is HOW DOES HE MAKE YOU FEEL? What does all this too-ing and fro-ing do to you? To the way you feel about yourself.
— You’ve been trying to re-connect with him but he’s distant and he’s told you he isn’t a loving person… I’d say have an open, honest conversation with him where you ask him honestly what his intentions are AND LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. No matter what he says. You need to know whether you should move on…
— I know he does nice things for you (expensive perfume, photo shoot etc.) but girl, you know you are worth much more than any Yves St. Laurent or Calvin Klein! This man is making you wait. He hardly replies to your texts. You’re a goddess and you’re having to chase him. Find out what the situation really is, once and for all. When you look into his eyes you’ll know.
— Here’s an true story from my life. At university in England, I dated this gorgeous African-American who was doing his year abroad. The guy was smart, an army officer, so darned goodlooking (I know this makes me sound shallow but if you’d seen him you’d understand LOL! Lawd). I liked him (couldn’t believe my luck actually!) and it seemed like he liked me too… Then he told me that he “didn’t deserve me” and I though… awww he’s just being nice. As if the universe was sending me a sign, that week on a magazine rack I saw an article that said, if a man says he doesn’t deserve you, he knows something you don’t. And sure enough, I later found out that dude was seeing loads of other people (in 3 separate countries)! Ha!
— My point is, when that guy says he’s scared he might hurt you and he’s not very loving, ask him exactly what he means. Ask him what makes him say that. Get to the bottom of it. Then you’ll know. It could be nothing OR it could be something… You’ve got your life and your heart on hold waiting for this man. Get it sorted. I feel your pain girl.
I’ve been there and I’m here rooting for you.
— Let Bob Marley sing it for us… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAshOzRGrBw (Bob Marley – ‘I Don’t Want To Wait In Vain’)
DEAR LIFESTYLISTA UPDATE to “HUSBAND WOES” post “Thanx alot Lifelista, yo truly a family. We talked and i thank God things are working out well. With prayers, am hoping for the best. God bless you guyz, you are the best.”
LADIES, THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR 20+ COMMENTS YOU HAVE HELPED OUR FELLOW LIFESTYLISTA SEE HER WAY OUT OF A VERY PAINFUL SITUATION. We really are a Lifestylista family 🙂
————– Original post:
DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: <<Hi guyz, am married and a mother of one. Recently my husband has changed alot. He is not Loving anymore, he doesn’t care as in nothing grows btwn us anymore. The worst part am sure he is seing someone else. Wen he gets home he switches his fone, n wen he is not @ home he diverts his calls,in a way we can only communicate via sms. last nyt he din’t come home n his fone is switched off. I don’t know how to go abt this, pliz help.>>
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE? Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] – Sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling. Sounds like it’s been rough girl. You’ve noticed your husband has changed and you think he’s seeing someone else.
First things first… Decide how you feel about yourself – are you making his changed attitude towards you make you feel like you’re somehow ‘changed’, somehow less? If so, shrug that one off right now. Him not treating you well has nothing to do with your actual worth. Look at your child and tell him / her that you love her and then (when you are by yourself) look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love YOU! Look right into your eyes…
Next step… Your husband. No point torturing yourself and wondering what it all means (his phone is on divert, he’s only replying to texts etc.). You married this man, you had a child with him, you shared vows with him. Sit him down and with love in your heart ask him to share with you what’s going on for him.
Don’t accuse, just ASK and LISTEN… Let him talk. If he’s defensive, just remind him that you love him and that you’re only asking questions because without open honest dialogue you can’t be there for each other (and your child), you can’t improve your relationship, you can’t really be in each others lives.
If you think this marriage, this family is worth working on, worth fighting for, then have this conversation. If he is seeing someone else, it will be hard to hear BUT it’ll be better you know for sure (rather than all the wondering and guessing) because then you can work out your options.
[NAME DELETED] – I am here thinking of you and wishing you well. You are not alone. I am here and so is your Lifestylista community. We are right behind you. Keep us posted.