Keep your DEAR LIFESTYLISTA questions coming! I am here for you and so is your community. Just send me a FACEBOOK MESSAGE www.facebook.com/Lifestylista and your question may be featured on the Facebook wall, Google+ wall and / or this blog page (for your privacy, your name will be deleted of course!)
love
The Lifestylista
xox
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THE 7 KEYS TO LONG HAIR NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF HAIR YOU HAVE…
Yes Lifestylista ladies, you heard me! So many of you want long hair but you tell yourselves that it’s all down to genes and that there are some kinds of hair that don’t really grow… Not true! Most of my posts are universal but this post isn’t – today I’m speaking directly to black (/ African-American) ladies.
With black hair, it’s as important to STOP BREAKAGE as it is to ENCOURAGE GROWTH. So often we think our hair isn’t growing, when in fact what’s really happening is that it’s breaking… 🙁
1) DO AS LITTLE TO IT AS POSSIBLE
Ever wondered why the same people who say their hair “can’t grow” get dreadlocks and, all of a sudden, WOOSH – long hair?! This is the ‘lowest manipulation’ hairstyle possible – there’s no combing, no brushing, no chemical relaxers. I’m not saying get locks, you choose your hairstyle… I’m just illustrating a point:
— When we do the minimum to black hair (no matter what texture), we see it grow and grow and grow … So intensive styling every day with combs, brushes and heat doesn’t help the cause.
2) BE GENTLE WHEN YOU WASH YOUR HAIR
– Don’t use hot, hot water – this can dry your hair out.
– Use a gentle, moisturizing shampoo (preferably sulphite free) and sometimes try washing your hair with a conditioner… This is called “co-washing” (if this sounds crazy to you, just try it and you’ll think you were crazy for not knowing about it all these years LOL!)
– Try to deep condition your hair at least every two weeks.
3) ADD MOISTURE AND LOCK IT IN
Our hair is drier and more brittle than other types of hair (European, Asian etc.) partly because our curly roots make it hard for our natural hair oils to find their way along the hair shaft right down to the ends of our hair… So if we don’t keep our thirsty hair moisturized, it’ll be less elastic and it’ll be much more likely to break the heck off whether we like it or not.
4) CUT YOUR SPLIT ENDS
OK – this is no joke! I know some of y’all hate to cut your hair (“I’m tryin to grow it b&*tch not cut it!”) but if you really want long hair you’re going to have to trim your hair before the split end damage moves further up your hair shaft. Think of it this way… You’re containing a fire before it spreads!
5) PROTECT THE HAIR
– Sleep in a silk or satin scarf to prevent all the friction and breakage when you rub your head on your cotton pillow at night.
– After washing, don’t dry your hair with a cotton towel – too much water will be absorbed before you can seal in moisture and there’s too much friction. Instead use a microfiber towel, a cotton T-shirt or kitchen paper towels – these smoother surfaces absorb just the right amount of water and don’t cause friction, knots or disrupt your natural post washing curl pattern…
– Be mindful that any chemicals or heat you apply to your hair will promote breakage. So either stop doing it OR be extra careful to minimize the amount of extra styling you do and maximize the amount of moisturizing you do.
– Don’t use products containing alcohol (talk about drying your hair out… YUK!)
6) CLEAN PORES
Girl, your scalp needs to breathe! All the stuff you put in your hair builds up over time and can block your pores and stunt the growth of your hair! And NEVER use Vaseline or any other petroleum based product on your hair or scalp unless you want your darned pores clogged the heck up…
7) DIET
If you don’t get the right nutrition your hair won’t grow…
For more on this, go to www.TheLifestylista.com — Beauty & Style section to see my article “WANT TO GROW YOUR HAIR LONG? Here’s how to EAT to help make that happen…”
I am here rooting for you! (“Rooting” get it 🙂 Hair roots… Nevermind).
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
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DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: My husband isn't loving anymore and I think he's cheating…
DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: “Hi guyz, am married and a mother of one. Recently my husband has changed alot. He is not Loving anymore, he doesn’t care as in nothing grows btwn us anymore. The worst part am sure he is seing someone else. Wen he gets home he switches his fone, n wen he is not @ home he diverts his calls,in a way we can only communicate via sms. last nyt he din’t come home n his fone is switched off. I don’t know how to go abt this, pliz help.”
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE? Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] – Sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling. Sounds like it’s been rough girl. You’ve noticed your husband has changed and you think he’s seeing someone else.
First things first… Decide how you feel about yourself – are you making his changed attitude towards you make you feel like you’re somehow ‘changed’, somehow less? If so, shrug that one off right now. Him not treating you well has nothing to do with your actual worth. Look at your child and tell him / her that you love her and then (when you are by yourself) look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love YOU! Look right into your eyes…
Next step… Your husband. No point torturing yourself and wondering what it all means (his phone is on divert, he’s only replying to texts etc.). You married this man, you had a child with him, you shared vows with him. Sit him down and with love in your heart ask him to share with you what’s going on for him.
Don’t accuse, just ASK and LISTEN… Let him talk. If he’s defensive, just remind him that you love him and that you’re only asking questions because without open honest dialogue you can’t be there for each other (and your child), you can’t improve your relationship, you can’t really be in each others lives.
If you think this marriage, this family is worth working on, worth fighting for, then have this conversation. If he is seeing someone else, it will be hard to hear BUT it’ll be better you know for sure (rather than all the wondering and guessing) because then you can work out your options.
[NAME DELETED] – I am here thinking of you and wishing you well. You are not alone. I am here and so is your Lifestylista community. We are right behind you. Keep us posted.
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
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Kara Kj Miller Ladies!!! She has spoken to her husband and given us an update… See my recent post! love, The Lifestylista xox
June 6 at 1:10am · Like · Reply
Rexx Kunz Take heart he will just get back to you after his evil did’s he will knw that you are the one who loved him will all your heart. They do go but they always look back when life Slap them.
June 3 at 2:40pm · Unlike · 4 · Reply
Lee Lee Anne Pray to God for guidance and pliz keep in mind that there is no marriage that God cannot restore and there is no person that God cannot change…… Pray, Pray n pray some more…..
June 3 at 2:51pm via mobile · Unlike · 3 · Reply
Nadia van Zyl Purchase the book fascinating womanhood!! It will change your life and marraige forever. Pray hardest when its hardest to pray..best of luck! Inbox me if you want to talk.
June 3 at 1:26pm via mobile · Like · 3 · Reply
Kelly Tee just love yo self. this man is just distracted
June 4 at 1:20am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Prisca Jones dedicate da whole family n GOD’s hand n watch how u handle hm.
June 4 at 2:55am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Sarah Nandudu Pray to God first to calm him when talking to him.
June 4 at 2:26am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Karen Mwaura Ok first of all no married man should sleep on someone else’s bed. Unless he is on vacation. You know what I mean. The fact that he didn’t come home at night is wrong. But first and foremost before I say much more please have a talk with him and find o…See More
June 4 at 1:43am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Ida Nyame Ayensu Is not easy but remember there is someone who can change him is (GOD) pray always things will surlly change.
June 4 at 12:50am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Maria Eyanuku Alway fast & pray concerning him & ask God 2 divert his attitude(mind) 2 u & his children. Good luck & God wil c u through
June 3 at 11:40pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Zippy Shiru dont worry ur self too much rem u hve a child he/ she luvs u & nid u most
June 3 at 11:20pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Jane Kemei prayer changes.
June 3 at 10:45pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Charity Asamoah My dear,dont give up! dont ask him to tell u any lies.whilst he is not ready to change.Pray to God for guidance.
June 3 at 10:34pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Catherine Wakesho Mwanaimba Dear,dont gve up but press on with prayers.”PRAYER IZ THE ONLY MASTER KEY”.Take ur time express urself b4 God,then talk to(husband) him,ask quiz, humble urself,b couragious n strong.Everythng in prayer n by Faith,God gives the answers very first. God 1,gve the HolySpirit chance 2 direct,act,speak, n 2 do otherthngs 4u. GoodLuck.
June 3 at 5:51pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Praise-martha Offiong May be u changed first check urslf, ur dressing, ur hair style, d food u cook, d way u approach issues, u pay more attention 2 ur child or u r doing something he does not like. Pray 2 God first 2 direct u on how 2 talk wit him & if he pays no attention leave him & continue praying. Make urslf happy & look gud. If u r just a house wife sweetheart look 4 wat 2 do so u can help urslf & him 2. God is with you.
June 3 at 2:58pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Kate Omakpo hope u did worng hm? just take ur time and talk 2 hm gud luk
June 3 at 1:58pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Bosede Meg Alonge Sincerely go back to ur place of prayers,and sought it out wit GOD b4 discussing anyting wit him
June 3 at 1:57pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Junejane Noah Dialogue is d keyword. Jst maybe he’s nt seeing anyone. U must hv gone wrong smhow n his trying 2 get at u. Apologise first n talk over n work things out. Goodluck.
June 3 at 1:55pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Rene Mack Be calm en behave like everything is rite as you pray en do ur investigations to get prove for no man wil agree to infidelity if you’ve no prove en maybe he’s misbehaving so that u ask then he gets a reason to throw u out. With God’s help all will be well.
June 3 at 1:53pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Sarah Zaato My dear try talking to him first,it may not be as bad as you think
June 3 at 1:38pm · Unlike · 1 · Reply
What success really is… according to Maya Angelou.
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Maya Angelou
love
The Lifestylista
xox
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WANT TO GROW YOUR HAIR LONG? Here's how to eat to help make that happen…
So many of you have written asking about hair growth and diet that I had to write this for you!
NUTRITION
If you don’t get the right nutrition your hair won’t grow. Eat a nutrient dense diet, add a good multi-vitamin as a back up.
VITAMIN E: This, among other things, increases circulation and stimulates hair follicles so your hair grows more healthy and more gorgeously thick! Food sources include nuts and green, leafy vegetables, liver, eggs and certain vegetable oils.
BIOTIN: This increases the growth rate of your hair. There is some scientific evidence to suggest that women with thinning hair may not have enough biotin in their bodies… Food sources: swiss chard (a delicious, nutritious type of greens), onions, cucumbers, carrots, nuts (e.g. almonds) and more.
ZINC: One of the sad symptoms of a zinc deficiency is your hair falling out! OUCH!
Make sure you get enough Zinc in your diet – it helps with hair growth. We need zinc to maintain the health of the cells in our hair follicles… so it’s pretty important because no healthy hair follicles, no healthy hair!
Food sources: beans, Fresh or dried pumpkin seeds, watermelon seeds and squash seeds, cocoa powder, dark chocolate, peanuts and various meats and seafood (esp Oysters).
IRON: Hair loss can occur if you’re iron deficient. If you want your hair to grow and be healthy, make sure you get enough iron in your diet.
Food sources: Dark, leafy greens (spinach, swiss chard, collard greens, kale), beans (inc lentils, soybeans, garbanzo beans / chickpeas etc.), artichokes, prunes, raisins, meat (inc liver) and egg yolks.
Iron tip: make sure you eat a food with vitamin C in it at the same time as your iron rich food… this HUGELY enhances the absorbability of the iron!
Eat your greens, your beans and all that other healthy good stuff and grow your hair girl 🙂
I’m here rooting for you!
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
http://www.facebook.com/Lifestylista @TheLifestylista
5 STEPS TO HELP YOU COPE WITH A SHOPPING ADDICTION…
Do you find yourself compulsively spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need???
If you do, you’re not alone. I’m writing this article because so many of our Lifestylista sisters have written to me asking for help with this.
5 STEPS TO HELP YOU COPE
1) Admit what’s going on.
It’s much harder to cope with an addiction when you’re in denial. Tell your family and close friends the truth so they can support you. Ask them to step in when you are about to lapse… Tell them it won’t be easy because you might get defensive, angry, impossibly hard work but beg them to help you all the more because it’ll be harder for you to beat this without their help.
2) Don’t use checks or credit.
These payment methods can help you to forget that you are actually spending money. If you must buy that hair / dress / handbag, then make it as hard as possible. Hand over actual cash to the shopkeeper!
3) Keep a spending diary.
Write down EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SPEND or use a free expenses tracking program like www.mint.com . Even a coffee or a lunch – write it all down and at the end of the month, you’ll have a MUCH better understanding of where your money goes…
4) Don’t tempt yourself
Would a recovering alcoholic hang out at bars and pubs??! Well don’t hang out in shops! Don’t window shop. Don’t just “visit a sale for information purposes only” LOL. Avoid the places you are the most tempted.
5) The 30 day mind trick 🙂
– See an item you want… Something you ‘must have’. Instead of buying it immediately, STOP YOURSELF.
– Keep a wishlist on a piece of paper or on your computer. On your wishlist, you’ll write down the date and everything about the object of your desire 🙂 e.g. the Clarks Shoes you found at Store X for $Y.
– Days 1 – 29: You can research the object, you can think about it… heck you can even dream about it and drool about it BUT YOU CAN’T BUY IT!
– Day 30: If you still want to buy your ‘must have’ item then you can but very often the urge will have passed (and you’ll be on to something else! Ha! 😉
WANT TO CHECK IF YOU’RE A COMPULSIVE SPENDER? DO THIS TEST…
According to the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery, if you experience 4 or more of the symptoms below, you may have a spending addiction. Here are the signs of compulsive spending / shopping:
– “Shopping or spending money as a result of being disappointed, angry or scared.
– Shopping/spending habits causing emotional distress or chaos in one’s life.
– Having arguments with others regarding shopping or spending habits.
– Feeling lost without credit cards.
– Buying items on credit that would not be bought with cash.
– Spending money causes a rush of euphoria and anxiety at the same time.
– Spending or shopping feels like a reckless or forbidden act.
– Feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused after shopping or spending money. Many purchases are never used.
– Lying to others about what was bought or how much money was spent.
– Thinking excessively about money.
– Spending a lot of time juggling accounts and bills to accommodate spending.”
If you have an addictive spending disorder, you will consistently fail to control your overspending, you will feel “increased tension” before you do it and pleasure when you are doing it…
THE EMOTIONAL PROFILE OF A COMPULSIVE SPENDER
– SELF ESTEEM: You don’t feel good about yourself and shopping is one way you try to make yourself feel better. Especially when you think the thing you want / need / must have will make you into the amazing person you’d like to be… e.g. that bag / those shoes / that dress / that hair will make you beautiful, desirable, worthy of love… someone else, someone better.
– IMPULSE CONTROL: When you need something, you just have to have it. It’s irresistible. You can’t control it. Compulsive spenders have less control of their impulses than other people do.
Girl, you might find this article a tough, painful read but I have written it to help you to help yourself. I care and I know that change is possible in all aspects of our lives: spending habits, weight, relationships… life!
You go my Lifestylista friend. I’m here rooting for you.
love
The Lifestylista
xox
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