DEAR LIFESTYLISTA UPDATE to “HUSBAND WOES” post “Thanx alot Lifelista, yo truly a family. We talked and i thank God things are working out well. With prayers, am hoping for the best. God bless you guyz, you are the best.”
LADIES, THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR 20+ COMMENTS YOU HAVE HELPED OUR FELLOW LIFESTYLISTA SEE HER WAY OUT OF A VERY PAINFUL SITUATION. We really are a Lifestylista family 🙂
————– Original post:
DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: <<Hi guyz, am married and a mother of one. Recently my husband has changed alot. He is not Loving anymore, he doesn’t care as in nothing grows btwn us anymore. The worst part am sure he is seing someone else. Wen he gets home he switches his fone, n wen he is not @ home he diverts his calls,in a way we can only communicate via sms. last nyt he din’t come home n his fone is switched off. I don’t know how to go abt this, pliz help.>>
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE? Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] – Sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling. Sounds like it’s been rough girl. You’ve noticed your husband has changed and you think he’s seeing someone else.
First things first… Decide how you feel about yourself – are you making his changed attitude towards you make you feel like you’re somehow ‘changed’, somehow less? If so, shrug that one off right now. Him not treating you well has nothing to do with your actual worth. Look at your child and tell him / her that you love her and then (when you are by yourself) look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love YOU! Look right into your eyes…
Next step… Your husband. No point torturing yourself and wondering what it all means (his phone is on divert, he’s only replying to texts etc.). You married this man, you had a child with him, you shared vows with him. Sit him down and with love in your heart ask him to share with you what’s going on for him.
Don’t accuse, just ASK and LISTEN… Let him talk. If he’s defensive, just remind him that you love him and that you’re only asking questions because without open honest dialogue you can’t be there for each other (and your child), you can’t improve your relationship, you can’t really be in each others lives.
If you think this marriage, this family is worth working on, worth fighting for, then have this conversation. If he is seeing someone else, it will be hard to hear BUT it’ll be better you know for sure (rather than all the wondering and guessing) because then you can work out your options.
[NAME DELETED] – I am here thinking of you and wishing you well. You are not alone. I am here and so is your Lifestylista community. We are right behind you. Keep us posted.
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
www.facebook.com/Lifestylista
Got PUFFY EYEBAGS and need a 7 minute way to zap em???
Celeb eyebag trick: Dip cotton balls in ICE COLD MILK, rest on eyes for 7 mins and ZAP PUFFINESS!
Using full fat milk will help to soothe your skin if it’s irritated. The coldness of the milk helps bring down any inflammation and causes temporary constriction (shrinking) of your blood vessels.
It’s quick and it works… And it’s strangely relaxing too.
love
The Lifestylista
xox
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CELEBRITY SECRET: HOW TO LOOK SEXY & FABULOUS IN SKINNY JEANS
This post is back by popular demand! You love the look of blue skinny jeans on your favorite celebrities but you think they won’t be flattering for you?
Let’s face it, for most women there is nothing more traumatic than going to a store to buy jeans!
The problem is, so many women don’t know the celeb style secrets that make looking good in skinny jeans a breeze!
Let’s fix that now! Give the tips and tricks in this article a try and you might find yourself looking fierce & fantastic in a pair of skinny jeans!
DEFNITION: Skinny jeans fit snugly along the entire length of your leg from your hips right down to your ankle. They create the illusion of long, lean legs.
A DARKER WASH
You will find a darker wash to be more slimming and it’s also much more versatile. It can be casual during the day and dressed up for a more sophisticated evening look. If you’re curvy, avoid the distressed look with bleaching, tears etc. because it will make your thighs look bigger. Stick with plain dark wash jeans.
STRETCH
If you go for some stretch in your jeans – Lycra – you will find that they are much more forgiving to your curves. They expand and contract just where they need to.
STYLING:
The key to making skinny jeans work is choosing the most flattering tops and accessories to go with them.
TOP:
- Proportion is crucial when you wear skinny jeans! Don’t go for short or tight tops. Wear a LOOSE, FLOWY TOP – the volume will create a visual balance the tightness of the skinny jeans on the bottom. Dolman sleeve tops, empire waisted blouses, flowy tunics… these will not only balance the skinny jeans but they will also cover your waistline & behind AND not cling to your tummy.
- FITTED JACKET or BLAZER that comes below the hips – this can give your skinny jeans flattering and sophisticated look
- COLOR – Blue skinny jeans can act as a neutral foundation for your whole outfit and so you can add color with your tops.
- If you want to draw the eye away from your hips and thighs, you can accessorize using a big necklace or a fabulous headband.
SHOES
- Fabulous footwear is a must with skinny jeans! Wear with heels because this will extend the lines of your legs in the skinny jeans and make your legs look longer and leaner. The heels will also lift your behind so it will appear even perkier! You can wear flats but if you are curvy, be aware that wearing flats will make you look wider than you are.
BELT – if you have an hourglass shape you want to show off – use a stylish belt at your waist to pull it in.
LENGTH
Go for a little more length in the hem when you’re wearing skinny jeans. A bit of scrunching at the heels is a good thing. It’s stylish and it makes your skinny jeans NOT look like leggings!
When skinny jeans work, they really work. You can become a sexy, skinny jeans siren if you just give these tips a try. I’m here pulling for you.
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
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Keep your Dear Lifestylista questions coming! I'm here for you and so is this community.
Keep your DEAR LIFESTYLISTA questions coming! I am here for you and so is your community. Just send me a FACEBOOK MESSAGE www.facebook.com/Lifestylista and your question may be featured on the Facebook wall, Google+ wall and / or this blog page (for your privacy, your name will be deleted of course!)
love
The Lifestylista
xox
THE 7 KEYS TO LONG HAIR NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF HAIR YOU HAVE…
Yes Lifestylista ladies, you heard me! So many of you want long hair but you tell yourselves that it’s all down to genes and that there are some kinds of hair that don’t really grow… Not true! Most of my posts are universal but this post isn’t – today I’m speaking directly to black (/ African-American) ladies.
With black hair, it’s as important to STOP BREAKAGE as it is to ENCOURAGE GROWTH. So often we think our hair isn’t growing, when in fact what’s really happening is that it’s breaking… 🙁
1) DO AS LITTLE TO IT AS POSSIBLE
Ever wondered why the same people who say their hair “can’t grow” get dreadlocks and, all of a sudden, WOOSH – long hair?! This is the ‘lowest manipulation’ hairstyle possible – there’s no combing, no brushing, no chemical relaxers. I’m not saying get locks, you choose your hairstyle… I’m just illustrating a point:
— When we do the minimum to black hair (no matter what texture), we see it grow and grow and grow … So intensive styling every day with combs, brushes and heat doesn’t help the cause.
2) BE GENTLE WHEN YOU WASH YOUR HAIR
– Don’t use hot, hot water – this can dry your hair out.
– Use a gentle, moisturizing shampoo (preferably sulphite free) and sometimes try washing your hair with a conditioner… This is called “co-washing” (if this sounds crazy to you, just try it and you’ll think you were crazy for not knowing about it all these years LOL!)
– Try to deep condition your hair at least every two weeks.
3) ADD MOISTURE AND LOCK IT IN
Our hair is drier and more brittle than other types of hair (European, Asian etc.) partly because our curly roots make it hard for our natural hair oils to find their way along the hair shaft right down to the ends of our hair… So if we don’t keep our thirsty hair moisturized, it’ll be less elastic and it’ll be much more likely to break the heck off whether we like it or not.
4) CUT YOUR SPLIT ENDS
OK – this is no joke! I know some of y’all hate to cut your hair (“I’m tryin to grow it b&*tch not cut it!”) but if you really want long hair you’re going to have to trim your hair before the split end damage moves further up your hair shaft. Think of it this way… You’re containing a fire before it spreads!
5) PROTECT THE HAIR
– Sleep in a silk or satin scarf to prevent all the friction and breakage when you rub your head on your cotton pillow at night.
– After washing, don’t dry your hair with a cotton towel – too much water will be absorbed before you can seal in moisture and there’s too much friction. Instead use a microfiber towel, a cotton T-shirt or kitchen paper towels – these smoother surfaces absorb just the right amount of water and don’t cause friction, knots or disrupt your natural post washing curl pattern…
– Be mindful that any chemicals or heat you apply to your hair will promote breakage. So either stop doing it OR be extra careful to minimize the amount of extra styling you do and maximize the amount of moisturizing you do.
– Don’t use products containing alcohol (talk about drying your hair out… YUK!)
6) CLEAN PORES
Girl, your scalp needs to breathe! All the stuff you put in your hair builds up over time and can block your pores and stunt the growth of your hair! And NEVER use Vaseline or any other petroleum based product on your hair or scalp unless you want your darned pores clogged the heck up…
7) DIET
If you don’t get the right nutrition your hair won’t grow…
For more on this, go to www.TheLifestylista.com — Beauty & Style section to see my article “WANT TO GROW YOUR HAIR LONG? Here’s how to EAT to help make that happen…”
I am here rooting for you! (“Rooting” get it 🙂 Hair roots… Nevermind).
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
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DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: My husband isn't loving anymore and I think he's cheating…
DEAR LIFESTYLISTA: “Hi guyz, am married and a mother of one. Recently my husband has changed alot. He is not Loving anymore, he doesn’t care as in nothing grows btwn us anymore. The worst part am sure he is seing someone else. Wen he gets home he switches his fone, n wen he is not @ home he diverts his calls,in a way we can only communicate via sms. last nyt he din’t come home n his fone is switched off. I don’t know how to go abt this, pliz help.”
LADIES – PLEASE GIVE YOUR SUPPORT TO OUR LIFESTYLISTA FRIEND [NAME DELETED]. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE? Here was my answer:
Hey [NAME DELETED] – Sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling. Sounds like it’s been rough girl. You’ve noticed your husband has changed and you think he’s seeing someone else.
First things first… Decide how you feel about yourself – are you making his changed attitude towards you make you feel like you’re somehow ‘changed’, somehow less? If so, shrug that one off right now. Him not treating you well has nothing to do with your actual worth. Look at your child and tell him / her that you love her and then (when you are by yourself) look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love YOU! Look right into your eyes…
Next step… Your husband. No point torturing yourself and wondering what it all means (his phone is on divert, he’s only replying to texts etc.). You married this man, you had a child with him, you shared vows with him. Sit him down and with love in your heart ask him to share with you what’s going on for him.
Don’t accuse, just ASK and LISTEN… Let him talk. If he’s defensive, just remind him that you love him and that you’re only asking questions because without open honest dialogue you can’t be there for each other (and your child), you can’t improve your relationship, you can’t really be in each others lives.
If you think this marriage, this family is worth working on, worth fighting for, then have this conversation. If he is seeing someone else, it will be hard to hear BUT it’ll be better you know for sure (rather than all the wondering and guessing) because then you can work out your options.
[NAME DELETED] – I am here thinking of you and wishing you well. You are not alone. I am here and so is your Lifestylista community. We are right behind you. Keep us posted.
love,
The Lifestylista
xox
www.facebook.com/Lifestylista
The Lifestylista
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Kara Kj Miller Ladies!!! She has spoken to her husband and given us an update… See my recent post! love, The Lifestylista xox
June 6 at 1:10am · Like · Reply
Rexx Kunz Take heart he will just get back to you after his evil did’s he will knw that you are the one who loved him will all your heart. They do go but they always look back when life Slap them.
June 3 at 2:40pm · Unlike · 4 · Reply
Lee Lee Anne Pray to God for guidance and pliz keep in mind that there is no marriage that God cannot restore and there is no person that God cannot change…… Pray, Pray n pray some more…..
June 3 at 2:51pm via mobile · Unlike · 3 · Reply
Nadia van Zyl Purchase the book fascinating womanhood!! It will change your life and marraige forever. Pray hardest when its hardest to pray..best of luck! Inbox me if you want to talk.
June 3 at 1:26pm via mobile · Like · 3 · Reply
Kelly Tee just love yo self. this man is just distracted
June 4 at 1:20am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Prisca Jones dedicate da whole family n GOD’s hand n watch how u handle hm.
June 4 at 2:55am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Sarah Nandudu Pray to God first to calm him when talking to him.
June 4 at 2:26am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Karen Mwaura Ok first of all no married man should sleep on someone else’s bed. Unless he is on vacation. You know what I mean. The fact that he didn’t come home at night is wrong. But first and foremost before I say much more please have a talk with him and find o…See More
June 4 at 1:43am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Ida Nyame Ayensu Is not easy but remember there is someone who can change him is (GOD) pray always things will surlly change.
June 4 at 12:50am via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Maria Eyanuku Alway fast & pray concerning him & ask God 2 divert his attitude(mind) 2 u & his children. Good luck & God wil c u through
June 3 at 11:40pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Zippy Shiru dont worry ur self too much rem u hve a child he/ she luvs u & nid u most
June 3 at 11:20pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Jane Kemei prayer changes.
June 3 at 10:45pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Charity Asamoah My dear,dont give up! dont ask him to tell u any lies.whilst he is not ready to change.Pray to God for guidance.
June 3 at 10:34pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Catherine Wakesho Mwanaimba Dear,dont gve up but press on with prayers.”PRAYER IZ THE ONLY MASTER KEY”.Take ur time express urself b4 God,then talk to(husband) him,ask quiz, humble urself,b couragious n strong.Everythng in prayer n by Faith,God gives the answers very first. God 1,gve the HolySpirit chance 2 direct,act,speak, n 2 do otherthngs 4u. GoodLuck.
June 3 at 5:51pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Praise-martha Offiong May be u changed first check urslf, ur dressing, ur hair style, d food u cook, d way u approach issues, u pay more attention 2 ur child or u r doing something he does not like. Pray 2 God first 2 direct u on how 2 talk wit him & if he pays no attention leave him & continue praying. Make urslf happy & look gud. If u r just a house wife sweetheart look 4 wat 2 do so u can help urslf & him 2. God is with you.
June 3 at 2:58pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Kate Omakpo hope u did worng hm? just take ur time and talk 2 hm gud luk
June 3 at 1:58pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Bosede Meg Alonge Sincerely go back to ur place of prayers,and sought it out wit GOD b4 discussing anyting wit him
June 3 at 1:57pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Junejane Noah Dialogue is d keyword. Jst maybe he’s nt seeing anyone. U must hv gone wrong smhow n his trying 2 get at u. Apologise first n talk over n work things out. Goodluck.
June 3 at 1:55pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Rene Mack Be calm en behave like everything is rite as you pray en do ur investigations to get prove for no man wil agree to infidelity if you’ve no prove en maybe he’s misbehaving so that u ask then he gets a reason to throw u out. With God’s help all will be well.
June 3 at 1:53pm via mobile · Unlike · 1 · Reply
Sarah Zaato My dear try talking to him first,it may not be as bad as you think
June 3 at 1:38pm · Unlike · 1 · Reply