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Love & Relationships

"I sabotaged my best friend's weight loss." What do you think about THIS WOMAN'S Real Talk ADMISSION?

By

Uche“I sabotaged my best friend’s weight loss.” What do you think about THIS WOMAN’S Real Talk ADMISSION?  Have you ever HAD A FRIEND like this?  Have YOU ever been the friend SABOTAGING? submitted by saboteur1212  “I’m deeply embarrassed by what I have done, although nobody else knows about what I did(apart from you). We’ll call her AJ. Ever since we were kids and teenagers AJ was always the batman in our relationship. When ever we went to parties I was known as the girl who followed AJ around. She was the pretty friend and I was the fat one. People didn’t know my name, regardless of how many I told them. They only saw her. She was always a bully to me, it was her way and when I denied her the pleasure of seeing me get her drinks and food at parties or “helping” her out with homework, she told somebody my secret. And you know how fast gossip travels around in high school. By first period she tells someone, by third period everybody knows.
I was jealous of her: looks, admirers (she rejected a lot of guys who asked her out), family, clothes, extrovert personality, and lastly weight. As I came into my late teens and early twenties I learnt to let go of the jealousy. I am no longer jealous of her. I lost the weight, I fixed my teeth, enrolled into my dream university course and focused on improving myself.

Meanwhile she has gained weight, struggled through high school and locked herself in her room (still lives with parents) with no job and no money. I was supportive of her despite everything she had done to me. I feel so guilty for doing this but – I sabotaged her weight loss.

Sometimes it was indirectly such as not giving her weight loss advice and once she asked me if a vegetarian pizza was healthy, I didn’t reply but she ate half of it anyway. She thinks walking is the only exercise she can do and will “become muscley” if she uses weights. And other direct means – she comes over to my house for meals and to hang out. I use an unholy amount of cheese in her sandwiches, and I basically give her food heavy in fat, salt and calories. Meanwhile, I eat a simply healthy meal.

I love watching her fall apart, every time she cries out and complains about not losing weight I can’t help but smile. You bullied me in high school for being overweight and imitated my awkwardness. I love it when she finally breaks down at the end of the night and runs for McDick’s and binges on burgers, fries and milkshakes. I just love watching her fall apart.

However a little part of me still reminds me that she is a human being and she deserves to move on from this moment in her life – and although she was a ravenous bitch throughout my life I love watching hers fall apart. And for that I am ashamed for taking pleasure in things that she used to do to me.” #frenemy

love,
Kara
The Lifestylista ®
xox
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"MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD" – 20 BRILLIANT RELATIONSHIP SAVING TIPS FROM A MAN WHO JUST GOT DIVORCED!

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GeraldRogersIn the week his divorce was being finalized… Gerald Rogers decided to share the marriage advice he wished he’d had earlier! You never know what you’ve got til you’ve lost it.

Gerald: “These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.”

If you’re married or in a relationship you care about… If you believe what you have is worth making an effort for… Listen to this man! Here’s his heartfelt post:

“MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, I’m not a #relationship expert. But there’s something about my #divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a #marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop #courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.”

Gerald Rogers’ original Facebook post:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151735776813486&set=a.81166678485.79418.696628485&type=1&theater

I’m here rooting for you!
love,
Kara – The Lifestylista
xox
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WOAH NELLY! You won’t believe this… This woman just got the CRAZIEST Tinder dating message EVER!

By

TagJulesTinderBootyTweet

“Jules let me cut to the chase.  There’s two ways we could do this.  1. I could ask you on a date, we would go out for a lovely romantic meal.  It would be slightly awkward at first as we met on tinder, but once you realize I’m a funny charismatic guy you’d soon relax into my company.

From then on things would go smoothly.  Frequent dates progressing into a relationship, we would love and laugh and generally enjoy each other’s company.  Eventually I pluck up the courage and ask you to marry me.  We move into our first house.  After falling pregnant you quit work and I take over the financial responsibilities myself.

Not long after the second child comes along and things go downhill.  You let yourself go and only have time for the kids. I’m working long hard hours to pay for the family and love leaves the relationship.  I start an affair and my stupidity and bad lying leads to you finding out.  Divorce.  You get the kids and we agree I can see them on weekends.  The poor children then grow up with parents that hate each other. That’s not fair to them, which brings me to item 2.  We have a quickie, use a Johnny.  Everyone wins.  Thing of the kids Jules.”

After this text, Florida State University student Jules Geary has decided to delete her Tinder…  I’m not surprised! LOL.  This guy is fresh.

#Tinder #BootyCall #Dating #Relationships #Crazy

A surprisingly effective way to predict what your life will look like in the future…

By

hangoutwithchickensyouwillcluck

Happy Friday girl!!! VOTE ‘yes’ or ‘no’. COMMENT below and BE HONEST… What is your group of friends like? Want to know what your life will be like (health, career etc.)? Look at the lives of the 5 people you spend the most time with. “If you hang out with chickens you’re going to cluck. If you hang out with eagles you’re going to fly.” DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
Have a great day! I’m here rooting for you.
Kara
The Lifestylista
xox
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5 SEXY, scandalous SECRETS guaranteed TO MAKE him CRAVE YOU AGAIN #Boyfriend #Marriage #Relationships

By

blackcoupleKISSINGinbed

Are things not quite the way they were with you and your other half? Are you stuck in a rut?  So many of you have written me about this, I have to reply. YOU WANT TO FEEL SEXY AGAIN!

1) DRAW HIM TO YOU WITH A SMALL BUT EYE-CATCHING CHANGE…

Men thrive on variety when it comes to attraction.  And so do we!  Let’s take nothing for granted.  A relationship is not a jail or a fossil that must stay the same as the months, years, decades pass.  Instead of a “husband” or a “boyfriend” choose to take a “lover” and, if you choose, make HIM your lover! 🙂  Make it so that you remember that you always have free choice and you choose him.

Spice up your look and put a spring in your step. Add a bit of new-ness to keep things fresh and reawaken his desire.
– Go bra-less (I’m not kidding)
– Wear higher heels
– Change your hairstyle
– If you normally dress sensibly, sashay around in a short skirt
You are not predictable, safe, wifey – you are a hot temptress, girl and don’t you forget it (and don’t let him forget it either)

2) DON’T DROWN HIM IN DETAIL
You know us ladies. A man asks us what happened in our day and we are telling him everything from the sweet potato we had with our lunch to what our ‘nemesis’ said today at work – word for word!
Though we want to stay connected, the more detail we give him, the more bored & distracted he’ll get… The less he wants to know! Psychologists suggest that men can’t handle that kind of detail and that explains why they tend not to give us that kind of detailed, line by line explanation of their day.
So try this instead:
Him: How was your day?
Us: Great my love. Nothing much happened. I went for a drink with Sandra and Lola.
Him: Really? Tell me more.
Instead of hitting him with a wall of information, let him ask you questions. Then he’ll be more interested in it too.

3) GIVE HIM SOME SPACE
Don’t always get all up in his grill. Give him space. Have a life of your own. Let him miss you. And maintain some mystery too. It may sound old fashioned but… if what you’re doing now isn’t working for you it might be worth giving this a try!

4) NOTICE WHAT HE DOES WELL
A genuine compliment from you will go a loooooong way to making your man feel seen by you and to feel truly acknowledged.
So often, we ask ourselves if he notices us, if he thinks we are attractive, if he notices all we do for him BUT he’s asking himself the same thing. He just may not ask us for it.
Instead of just hoping to ‘get’ this kind of appreciation from him, let’s give too.

5) GIVE HIM A FLASHBACK
Makes me blush just writing this. Remember when you guys met and just the sight of each other would send you into a heart palpitation fest..? LUST! There are certain smells, tastes, sounds and visuals that can take you straight back there.
That sexy cologne he used to wear, that curry you used to cook, that old school Usher track (LOL) – oooooooh! If you want to take him back to a time he absolutely had to have you… Use his senses to take him back there.
Wear that perfume you used to wear (smell is a big one – it’s one of our most primal senses and it can induce an immediate emotional reaction), play the music, go and visit that place you used to make out… Have fun with this. Use your imagination.
Girl, I don’t need to tell you anymore. You’ve got this!

I’m here rooting for you!

love,
Kara
The Lifestylista ®
xox
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Passion… Get your sexy back!

Happy Sunday :-) What new thing will you try today…? Kissing Yoga Couple!

By

TagBlackYogaCoupleKissing“Yes” or “No” – VOTE below! Would you try yoga and if you would… would you do THIS SEXY POSE? Oh my goodness! How beautiful is this?! Kissing yoga couple 🙂

So often we get stuck in doing what we know AND what we think is within our capabilities. Sometimes it’s soooooo worth taking a risk. Stepping out on a limb. Look at the joy that’s possible!
I love you and I’m here rooting for you!
Kara
The Lifestylista ®
xox
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