Chris Rock’s Relationship Advice & Check out Chris Rock’s 6 MOST HILARIOUS JOKES about marriage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnZLcx6hIaE&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Published on January 27, 2016 by

Chris Rock filed for divorce from Malaak Compton-Rock last week after 19 years of marriage. Rock, 49, has repeatedly addressed the highs and lows of relationships in his standup, so the split may not come as a huge shock to the funnyman’s fans.

Here are the star’s top six most hilarious quips on love, relationships, marriage and all the trials and tribulations that come with them:

1 On being married vs. the single life:
— ‘You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.’

2 On infidelity:
— ‘A man is basically as faithful as his options.’

3 On finding “the one”:
— ‘Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man.’

4  On how to know if you’re really in love:
— ‘If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t seriously thought about killin’ a motherf—-r, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll they ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in a mirror, you ain’t ever been in love. And the only thing stoppin’ you from killin’ this motherf—-r is an episode of ‘CSI.’’

5   On hanging out with other married couples
— ‘Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just spicin’ up the activities. ‘Come on, tell us some of your cracky tales, please!’’

6   On one particularly troubled marriage:
— ‘So you gotta think about OJ’s situation: $25,000 a month, another man drivin’ his car, f—in’ his wife, in a house he’s still payin’ a mortgage on. Now, I’m not sayin’ he should have killed her … but I understand.’